Subtle Circumstance & Mandy Part II

Lao Tzu wrote “…we pursue that which retreats from us.” Of course, we all know this in the practical sense. Yet we often forget it when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.

Some have mastered the principle …while some so over use it that it confuses the sexes as to who started the game playing first …men or women. Regardless, the power of distance and unavailability can be powerful. And though the CS isn’t much for playing games, subtlety in this little endeavor is often key.

As I spent some time talking to Judy, Mandy became noticeably perturbed. It wasn’t only that she had a hot girl wedged between her and I, but also Judy’s nonchalant approach, completely disregarding Mandy’s presence. Judy was very touchy feely as we exchanged niceties. The guys conversed with one another while I was engaged. Mandy, on the other hand, didn’t have much to do or to say.

The more I spoke with Judy, the more I was convinced that I wasn’t interested in her. But it provided for an impromptu mechanism to further attract Mandy …so after a 5 minute conversation or so, the CS decided to get a drink with Judy at the bar. Not because I really wanted to, but because it would likely stir added jealousy from Mandy. After about 10 minutes or so, I returned back to our table…and had to deal with a little shit talking from the guys, and of course from Mandy. She sat closer, started drinking more, asked me a host of questions, and eventually blurted out “…you can do better than her.” (Usually read: “start looking at me, asshole”).

The combination of alcohol, atmosphere and Judy, emboldened Mandy. She eventually sat on my lap, began to rub my back and legs and was touchy feely in her own right. It was getting late and she was too lit to drive. She asked if I could take her home. Eventually the CS discovered that what Mandy was into and liked was as varied as it comes… more on that next time.

So whether it’s intentionally creating distance by retreating or stirring jealousy, or taking advantage of it when it’s presented… recognize it, take it and use it. Because waiting for something to happen usually insures that it doesn’t…

Acquaintances

Mandy Pt I.

The cheating ways do not lend themselves to playing with acquaintances. As noted in previous posts, the “rules” dictate that one engaging in such behavior be smart, discreet and avoid attachment. Acquaintances can therefore be a crap shoot and one must be careful. Sometimes, however, the opportunity is ripe for the taking, you either pull the trigger or stay away...there is no in between. Recently, the CS was presented with such circumstances.

Mandy was married for a few years, but currently is not. The CS recently became acquainted with her through a close mutual friend, "Jordon." I did not know her husband, but Jordon knew him very well. Although I can’t say that we became close friends, I saw Mandy from time to time and we became quite friendly. She of course knew me and my status, and we got to know each other fairly well from our outings with friends.

One particular evening, Jordon invited Mandy to join a group of us at a trendy spot in the city. Bedsides some previous harmless flirting, nothing ever transpired between her and I. The lounge was packed with twenty and thirty something’s uniformly sipping on either mixed drinks or Amstel Light’s. It was another one of those nights where the crowd, the ambiance, the company, the food and drink all came together to provide an intoxicating atmosphere.

Mandy was the only girl out of the six of us there. She has a wonderful personality, dry wit and a good sense of humor, so there was no awkwardness. The night was filled with all kinds of banter between all of us, and as the alcohol kept flowing, so did the conversations.

Somewhere in the middle of this, the CS noticed a group of girls and guys directly next to us and the glances of a certain rather attractive female. Despite being rather preoccupied with the events at our table, we exchanged glances several times but I wasn’t in the mood to work on it any further. We were all sitting around the small table with some in a booth, while I was on an ottoman style couch around the other side of the table. Mandy was sitting next to me. Several of the guys had noticed that obvious interaction between me and the girl next door and they are never ones to hold back, supplying an endless array of quips and digs.

As our group was engaged with one another, I felt the touch of a hand on my shoulder and someone sit next to me on the rather small ottoman. For a moment I thought it was Mandy…instead it was the girl I was glancing with, Judy. She came to our table, completely disregarded everyone there…sat right in between Mandy and me and began a conversation. Rather bold…no qualms or inhibitions.

But what was more interesting than Judy, or her approach, was the effect it had on Mandy…and ultimately… what the CS was going to do about her...

Confidence

The CS has often been asked if there is a common thread about what women notice in men? What turns them on, or otherwise attracts them to a particular guy? The answers certainly vary. And yes…many women are as visual as men and like a hot body or good looks. But on average, it takes more than that for women. So if it’s a common thread that one is looking for, based on the CS’ experience, it is this: Confidence.

Perhaps, no other trait is noticed by women more then the way a man carries himself. (to digress slightly, the CS notes that based on his experience, if one is talking physical attributes outside of the usual ones, then “hands” surprisingly seem to be noticed by more women than one might think).

Whether you call it self-assurance, confidence or something else…have the right mixture of this ingredient and you will be noticed, regardless of looks (assuming reasonableness) or other physical qualities.

Now perhaps this seems simple enough. But this trait is infinitely complex and involves a subset of qualities that must exist to be effective. It’s not enough to walk tall and carry a big stick. It’s not about being a cocky prick. It’s not about bragging or the Benz in your garage. Rather, it is a subtle combination of things women will notice.

Its about:

• being confident enough to dish out digs at a woman, tease and poke fun…

• wit…and humor

• charm…

• tact, couth and knowing when and which buttons to push and which no to (but never being afraid to push those buttons when the time is right);

• Its about focusing on them rather than talking about yourself (at least at first);

• the ability to carry on a conversation, even when the woman cant;

• being bold, not meak. (want to raise a certain issue, or ask a certain question?…Be firm and straight up, don’t tip-toe, be shy or insecure);

• It’s about the right touch -- knowing when to pull the trigger and to take action, not asking or waiting for permission.

It’s all of these things and much more. These are just some that the CS believes important. Women of course have and notice certain others. But all of them will operate around these same principles and are interconnected. To identify and describe the particulars of these attributes isn’t always easy. And some naturally have them, while others struggle to learn them. But whether one is able to describe them in detail or not… you know it when you see it. And that is something for all guys to remember……because women certainly do.