The CHEATING WAYS, Part III
More from the cheating POV...
Perhaps common sense and obvious to most. But strict compliance with all of these "rules" is easier said than done. Doing so works for this CS...on many levels.
6. COST/BENEFIT
Variety in and of itself can be tempting. Its the CS's view, however, that cheating with someone who you find less than appealing on some level is a mistake. Personally, I see this quite often. People having affairs or flings with someone that they dont find attractive, yet as the thinking goes, "at least its something different."
Being otherwise happily married means that some opportunities must be passed up altogether, even the worthwhile ones. Why then get involved in some thing that is risky to begin with when there is little attraction, chemistry or personality? The CS thinks there is a difference between cheating to add variety, and cheating only because of it.
It has to make sense...it must be worthwhile and it must be satisfying above and beyond just "scoring." If you forget this and partake in every available opportunity, you will suffer a quick demise with a long list of mistakes. This isnt to say that there is a mathematical formula. "Worthwhileness" is something different to everybody. But if its wise to pass up worthwhile opportunities on occasion, that goes double for any other ones.
7. GUILT
The cheating ways predispose one to much of this. Fortunately or not, depending on your perspective, the guilt slowly subsides as the line is crossed more and more. For some, such a moral decline is not very pleasant or acceptable. Other personality types will get over the guilt so quickly that they forget why they didnt bang one of the brides maids at their wedding.
Whatever your personality, the one thing you cant do is tell your SFO about your indiscretions because of your guilt. That it is somehow noble or honest to do so is not only a fallacy but is selfish. It is obvious that those who crumble and do, however, do so for themselves and their own sense of well being rather than for the SFO's.
The way things are structured, such a revelation will only hurt the SFO, the relationship and everything in it. So if you must...question your cheating, question your values, and question your lifestyle. But never question your silence to the SFO about cheating.
8. CONSEQUENCE
The CS is a firm believer that if you cheat, you will eventually get caught. We are fallible and despite the utmost of precautions we are likely to blow it. Or, Murphy's law will kick in, and you will be busted in a questionable looking, yet otherwise innocent situation.
Either way, and despite everyone knowing this full well, no one thinks about this much before they cheat. For many it is a fleeting thought at best. Better to understand and think about this reality beforehand and weigh whether your capable of dealing with the consequence, rather than wake up one day to discover that you lost everything without much thought. Think this through properly before hand, and no matter what you do, in the end their will be no one to blame...not even yourself. Dont think about it at all, and wind up emotionally miserable.
