Daphene on the Brain

Scheduling issues as of late have made the CS more exhausted then a one legged man at an ass kicking contest. Juggling extra curricular activities has not helped either.

Now although I was planning to let things lye with Dahpne, I couldnt just let it lye without knowing a little more. Last week, at another crazy vulture session at the coffee shop, she again hooked me up with a cup of joe. Since there is a particular risk of getting stabbed by fellow patrons if you decide to have more than a few words with the employees, I gave her my card and said that I would like to return the favor. She smiled and said "Maybe." Now the cheesy card approach isnt usually my style but since the coffee shop doesnt provide much opportunity for that kind of chitchat, and since I felt a bit awkward at accepting free coffee without some further acknowledgment, the card seemed like reasonable idea. Besides it put the ball in her court.

A few days later I received an email that read: "So how do you plan to return the favor? -Daphene" The Ball came bouncing right the fuck back!

I decided to keep things pretty simple and took her out for a drink late this week. After juggling plans, and dodging a few calls from Mona (more on that later), we met for happy hour. Daphene is 28, and in her last year of college, apparently taking some time off in between and traveling. Very cute, and as already mentioned, has an ass the could launch a thousand ships, a CS weak spot.

Daphene has a lot of street smarts and the conversation was interesting. We talked about many things but invariably discussed the coffee shop and the customers. She is another woman who is subtle but quite clear about her interest. Taking from Monas playbook, a slight glance and touch was also in her repertoire. So if there were any doubts about her intentions before, there werent any now.

After a few drinks I had to let reality set in and told her that I was married. Its been my experience that women react differently to this revelation. Some like Mona dont give a shit. Some get pissed, and others fall somewhere between. The key, of course, is to let them know as soon as possible and to be up front. The cheating ways lend themselves to enough complications as it is, lying in this situation will be a disaster in the long run. Its hard enough as it is. But when your lies have lies, your in deep shit!

Daphene changed upon hearing the news. Her face grew long and she became quiet for a bit. Then she asked: "then why did you ask me out for a drink. I said, "because I wanted to say thank you." "and thats it?" she replied. I said "no, thats not it." She understood. We knew that we didnt have to talk about the details.

We talked about me for a while and she asked me a host of questions. I walked her to her car, we talked some more, and then she said "I dont want to be with someone I cant have." I said that I understood and we ended there. I felt that she didnt want to leave, and I didnt want her to go, but it seemed there was no other way.


Dahpne's reaction of course is normal and I respect it. I avoided the shop on Friday, but as I came to work yesterday, there was an email from her sitting in my inbox. Short, concise, but a total contradiction. It said:

"Hi, thanks for the drink. Can I see you next week? Daphene"

Well who knows what happened-a change of heart? Perhaps, she forgot the slap in the face? Or, maybe something in between? It would appear to be the former rather than the latter, and though its full disclosure on my part, given what she said, do I even want to go there? Is it worth it?

The CS is pondering and has not emailed back...yet.

Men vs. Women--The Cheating Ways


For ages, sexual conquest has been encouraged in men and condemned in woman. Increasingly though, the lines are beginning to blur and women are now staking their righteous claim to as much "male ass" as they so desire.

Women are cheating for many of the same reasons as men. And although people who are unhappy in their marriages may cheat, lets remember that not all those who cheat are unhappy in their marriages. Please lets not confuse the two...one does not necessarily equal the other, despite what proponents of strict monogamy would have you believe.

So, plenty of woman are cheating for purely physical reasons, as do many men. Monogamy is even more suspect, however, when you consider that many women feel that it is ok to maintain emotional intimacy with another man, yet forego the physical intimacy. What kinda shit is this?!

The CS has been involved in situations where either a single or married woman desired to maintain a deep and on going emotional bond. This would begin first with frequent meetings and flirting, and then progress to kissing and discussions of emotional and sensitive subjects. Yet these women would hesitate at sex because of the implications from either my marriage or theirs. One wonders though: if you feel that sex outside of marriage is wrong, then how can you feel that having and wanting such a deep emotional bond with another man is right? Isnt that also something that is suppose to be sacred between husband and wife? And even if a women doesnt think that its entirely ok, arent they as susceptible to that as a man is to the ass of a "girl's gone wild" protege?

I have not figured out why these type of woman think the emotional aspect is acceptable but the physical isnt. if one is engaged in such behavior, and assuming there is a physical attraction, shouldnt she also succumb to the physical? Perhaps it is the differernt "wiring" that we have as men and woman. Or, perhaps it's the ingrained social condemnation that women fear should they choose to succumb.

But these woman must understand that they're are not doing themselves or anyone else any favors by foregoing the physical and proceeding with the desire for an intense emotional relationship instead. Can this behavior be defined as anything less than cheating? Is it any better than just fucking your brains out first and then having a deep discussion? Yes...you say?! Really?? Well if the emotional is what many women want first, and the sex is what many guys want first, then couldnt a guy similarly justify his behavior by saying that he just had a purely physical fuck without any emotional discussions or involvement? Is there any difference? Isnt it just cheating defined in different ways?

Why the different approach by the sexes... I cant exactly tell. But arent we just kidding ourselves here??? If we analyze the form and frequency "cheating" takes on today, doesnt it indicate that strict monogamy doesnt work? That one person generally doesnt satisfy all of your sexual or emotional needs, depending on which sex your are and certain other factors. The CS thinks so...what do you think?

Coffee & More...

The CS frequents his local coffee shop in order to satisfy a crack like caffeine habit in the early a.m.

And while I thought my line of work was cutthroat enough, one should see the vultures at this establishment before they get their morning caffeine hook- up. It is harder to find a more viscous bunch jockeying for position in line. Makes you want to stick a caffeine I.V. into them in the hopes that they quickly return to the cordial people you assume they otherwise are.

Banter with coffee shop staff has progressed into what appeared to be harmless flirting. Recent flirting with one of these employee,"Daphene," escalated and I now often receive free coffee and inconspicuously by-pass the vulture line. Although there is still nothing more overt then the flirting and the free coffee, I am not quite sure whether her gesture is one of "hey, when are we gonna meet after work," or that of a nice person who appreciates when one doesnt bark at her when ordering coffee. Iam usually good at deciphering code, but I am not yet quite sure in this instance.

Now, she is definitely my "type." An attractive girl, with a pretty face, good body (and a great butt that is even apparent in those Khakis the Shop makes them wear), and appears to be in her late twenties. But the inclination is to let matters lye on this one rather than to delve deeper with Daphene. Since I have been preoccupied with escapades as it is, proceeding further may cross the line from occasional fling, to complete pre-occupation with chasing skirt.

As I am not yet sure of the meaning to the free coffee, or what I will do with Daphene, if anything, your comments and suggestions are always appreciated. Even those that will invariably tell me to "go home and fuck [my] wife instead."