The Cheating Ways Part II
More to consider from the cheating perspective.
4. Dont Compare
We've all heard the ole saying: "...you take the hottest, most beautiful girl in the world...and somewhere there's a guy thats tired of fucking her." On average, the CS believes that such is the general nature of men and women. Though the cheating way presents the opportunity to compare your sex life with your spouse to that of the person you are cheating with. I think, a big mistake...and one thats easily made.
No doubt, its important to be sexually compatible. If there are serious problems in that realm, I highly doubt the relationship will survive to begin with. But if you cheat and fall into the trap of sexually comparing your spouse to that of another...you will repeat that mistake over and over, and will wind up chasing a high like a crack whore looking for quick fix. One that you likely never satisfy no matter who your spouse is.
Most cheating experiences are not based on reality. Here are at least a few of the reasons why someone your cheating with can seem so appealing:
- You dont completely know them (ah...mystery);
- You may only know and see certain traits and aspects of their personality (He's not grumpy like the one I have at home);
- They're usually presenting their "good" side (hey...he doesnt fart in front of me like I am used to);
- You havent had the opportunity to build resentment and problems between yourselves. (he's said I "look hot" more times in an hour then hubby has in the last five years).
Lets face it...the reality of marriage can make your spouse seem much less appealing. So much so that you may have a skewed perception of your spouses abilities, both sexual or otherwise. But if you say to yourself: "damn, this chick gives better head than I ever get at home" or "this guy fucks me so much harder and better than my husband" ...is that really the case? Sure... any given fuck or partner can be better than another. But its easy to confuse being with someone new, and the excitement of the new touch and feel that it brings, with thinking that they are somehow better sexually than your spouse. This in turn may gnaw away at you and make you think that you need to replace your spouse. You easily forget, of course, that the rush of someone new to begin with is what usually makes the entire experience hot.
The bottom line... well...dont compare the nookie! You are comparing apple and oranges if you do.
Dont make the mistake of believing you are getting something exceptional that your not otherwise getting at home. Accept the cheating way for what it is...hot sex usually due to variety and chemistry. The CS believes that "variety" is the key and the reason otherwise satisfied people cheat. Coupled with excitement and the adventure, that is what makes the experience hot, not necessarily the other person. Leave it at that, dont compare, and you will also leave many headaches behind.
5. Deceit
So this one is a rather obvious by product...but do you have the stomach for it?
Many say that the act of cheating itself is bad enough. But if you consider delving into the depths of someone other than your spouse, there will be much more deception to come. The preparation and lies needed to pull off the perfect "cheat" are many. Its easy to underestimate how much deception can actually be necessary.
Now... I am not talking about getting into a druken stupor and accidently bangin some triple chinned toothless wonder who looked good because of your beer goggles. No... I am actually talking about one who has made the decision that they will inevitably cheat and therefore want to do it in the most pragmatic way. The key, I think, is to understand that the lies will be many but that you need to avoid lying as much as possible. Once the lies start, it becomes easy to lie about everything, even relatively insignificant things which you shouldnt lie about. Often, this becomes the cheaters downfall.
As for the morality of such deceit...well...I dont have any magic bullets justifying it in one's marriage and relationship. But since the rules are set in such opposition with respect to our sexual desires and with what is expected of us in marriage, is it surprising that such deceit is prevalent and likely inevitable in this day and age? And if your relationship actually thrives because you occasionally take care of your "need," does such deceit justify itself?
Is it any different than the lies couples tell each other on a daily basis about other important topics in order to maintain stability and happiness in their relationship?
